


I Miss You

by februarytwentyfive



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Athlete Eren, Fluff, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Neighbors, Reincarnation, Teacher Levi, Volleyball Player Eren, goblin kdrama-based
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-08 11:53:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11081046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/februarytwentyfive/pseuds/februarytwentyfive
Summary: Levi Ackerman has no idea why every time it rains, he feels really, really miserable. He didn't expect his new neighbor who has just moved in next to his apartment to show him the reason, either.Like literally.Or, just one more Reincarnation fic for the OTP.





	1. I

  The rain has been falling pretty damn hard for the past hour across the city he’s living in, and Levi Ackerman can’t stop himself from feeling extremely fucking miserable.

  Like seriously.

  He’s sitting glumly on his couch at the moment with a bottle of wine on the table in front of him, muttering profanities as he watches the raindrops hit the windows of his apartment. He silently hopes that the rhythmic sight would do something to make him feel the least bit better, but it doesn’t, and he has no other choice but to take another gulp from the glass he’s holding, closing his eyes and letting out one more _Fuck_ when he feels another wave of sadness hit him square in the chest.

  He briefly entertains the thought of hurling the glass across the room. He knows that it’s probably uncharacteristic of him to do so, but maybe then he’d be able to flush out some of the unwelcome emotion that’s always been trying to take residence in his heart. He quickly decides against it, though, because he knows that cleaning up the resulting mess is going to be a huge pain in the ass, especially with the way the universe is fucking him up right now.

  He also shoots down the thoughts of calling his friends almost immediately after they popped in his mind because none of them know about his...problem, and trying to explain it while he feels like someone is gripping his heart tightly - suffocatingly - is too much of a torture for him and his weak resolve. If he called them, he’d probably just end up yelling at them in frustration or kicking them out immediately, and his friends don’t deserve that type of treatment from him. He’d much rather deal with this alone, where other people won’t have to get affected by his inexplicable situation.

  That leaves him alone in his apartment and unable to tame the immense melancholic feeling that has never stopped trying to eat him alive.

  Great. Just pretty fucking great. Don’t mind him. Really.

  He at least allows a frustrated noise to come out of the back of his throat when a sudden urge to cry makes its way through him. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. It has always been like this for Levi. Every time a downpour hits the city, he feels so fucking sad, and he doesn’t really even know _why_. He honestly can’t see anything wrong with the rain. To him, it’s the perfect time to curl up in his bed and read a book while he leisurely sips his tea. It nourishes the earth, it’s a symbol of fertility, and who wouldn’t get excited at the thought of a rainbow appearing as an aftermath of a cloudburst? There shouldn’t really be any reason for him to hate the rain, but because of his stupid emotions he has come to associate it with sorrow and sadness.

  It’s been happening to him since he was six years old. He can still remember how he would spend the rainy days in his bed, close to bawling his eyes out but refusing to tell his parents about it because he thought it was probably a person’s normal reaction to rain. At some point during middle school he had come to figure out that it’s not a normal phenomenon, but in the end he kept the revelation to himself because he wanted to be like any other kid who made friends and had fun. As he lives his life as an adult, nothing much has changed but he’s come to learn how to hide it in order to avoid his friends having to fuss over him. He should be the least of their worries.

  He has long since given up on trying to get better, either, because every attempt just ends up becoming useless. The intensity of the feeling hasn’t really weakened at all, and it’s starting to drive him a little bit crazy inside.

  Because he just feels so _heartbroken_ , which shouldn’t really be possible because Levi has never been involved in a romantic relationship, like, at all. Sure, there have been one-night-stands here and there in an attempt to reduce his sexual drive every once in a while, but he has never really felt like he’s developed an emotional attachment to any of them at all. It doesn’t help that he just knows that he _shouldn’t_ get attached, either, because somehow, thinking of doing it makes him feel like he’s cheating on someone. And it’s ridiculous, because he doesn’t have a boyfriend, for fuck’s sake. He shouldn’t be feeling like that.

  He sighs. It’s useless. He takes another gulp of the wine, barely keeping himself from crying, and lets himself be drowned in the sea of melancholy in his heart, knowing all too well that trying to fight it in any way would be pretty fucking pointless.

 

***

 

  There are a lot of papers that Levi needs to mark, and Levi is spending the Saturday afternoon doing so. He doesn’t even make an effort in marking them; he just takes one look at the first half of their papers and he’d already know whether his students spent their time bullshitting their way through the topic or not. Don’t look at him like that - he was once a student, too, and he definitely knows students’ ways better than anyone else.

  He’s halfway through the stack of papers when he hears someone knock on his door. He frowns, because no one has ever knocked politely on Levi’s door. It can’t possibly be Hanji, because they don’t know how to just “knock on the door”. There are no accompanying yells for him to let them in, and Hanji doesn’t exactly know how to be quiet. So, no. Definitely not Hanji.

  It can’t be Erwin, either, because besides the fact that he rarely ever visits Levi without Hanji beside him, he usually notifies Levi that he’s coming over. His phone hasn’t buzzed the whole day, and when he checks it, there is no message from said man. Again, no. Not Erwin.

  It can’t possibly be Mike, either, because...well, he always comes over with his boyfriend, Erwin. And the one on the door isn’t Erwin.

  He furrows his brows, feeling more confused, because he doesn’t know of anyone outside of his little circle friends who would come and knock on his door. He gets up, feeling more and more suspicious as he makes his way to the door. If this is some sort of prank that Hanji is trying to pull, he’s going to shove a stick so far up their ass they’d see it coming out of their mouth.

  When he opens it, a lot of things happen at the same time.

  First, he is able to take a look at the man...no, boy, standing in front of him. He’s tall, much to Levi’s annoyance, and it doesn’t seem like he’s about to stop growing anytime soon. His chocolate hair is nestled messily on top of his head, somehow windswept yet arranged perfectly at the same time. How is that possible? Strands of hair fall down his forehead, framing his face and accentuating his eyes - eyes the shade of teal, with flecks of gold swirling and dancing with it inside the dark blue rim lining his irises. Those eyes are looking at him curiously, and Levi blinks. He didn’t realize he’s been staring.

  He barely notices the card that the boy is holding as he keeps looking at him. He’s beautiful, with his face a little rounder - probably due to his age - but his cheekbones still somehow finding their way out, making his cheeks look fluffy as heck. His lips, unlike Levi’s, are full and pink - totally irresistible to anyone who sees it. His eyebrows are furrowed as he looks at Levi in concern, and Levi can’t really blame the boy because the second thing that’s happening is that Levi is in so much pain.

  His heart is breaking, like he’s just lost someone. Like he’s just betrayed someone. Like he’s done an unforgivable thing. Like...like everything has been brutally ripped away from him, leaving him with nothing to live for anymore. His heart is being torn to shreds, and the ache in his chest is too much, making him clutch at it in an attempt to find purchase. He’s never felt this way when it rained. This is ten times more painful. This is ten times much worse.

  Images suddenly start flashing through Levi’s mind. He sees beautiful tan skin and a blinding smile, he hears a joyful and carefree laughter and he sees a green cloak dancing with the breeze. They send out a puff of warmth through his chest, but he didn’t have time to get confused because now he sees blood, he sees tears, he hears sobs and pleas. He sees giant naked humans, and the painful emotion is back and it’s shattering him again _fuck_ this whole thing and he doesn’t want to feel this way anymore and--

  “Uhm… Sir, are you okay?” the boy in front of him asks.

  Levi snaps out of his daze and looks at him. “Huh?”

  The boy blinks. “Y-you’re crying, Sir.”

  He’s...crying? Levi touches his own cheeks and true enough, they’re wet. He stares at his fingers for a few seconds and then looks at the pretty boy with bright eyes again. “I’m crying,” he repeats dumbly.

  They’re already starting to look foolish, with Levi just standing there and the boy holding his card, both just looking at each other awkwardly and unable to think of what to do. Christ, this is embarrassing, and Levi tries to save himself.

  He clears his throat as he wipes the tears out of his face. “Uh, never mind that please. Is there something you need?”

  Thankfully, the boy knows better than to press and he picks up on Levi’s cue. “Oh, nothing really, Sir. I just came to tell you that I just moved into this building, so that makes me your new neighbor.” He hands out the card to Levi. “My name is Eren Jaeger, and it’s nice to meet you. And I hope we’ll be able to get along well in the future.”

 _Eren Jaeger_. Levi thinks that it’s a lovely name for such a lovely boy. He takes the card and shakes Eren’s hand. “Eren. It’s nice to meet you, and thank you for the card. I’m sorry you had to see me this way. But I really have to go now so I can’t talk to you for long. I don’t mean to be rude.”

  Eren just smiles. There’s understanding in his eyes, which means Eren knows that Levi has to collect himself. He silently wishes that the ground would just swallow him. “It’s okay! I’ll be next door if you feel like talking...uhm...Mister….”

  “Levi. Levi Ackerman.”

  “Right. I’m just...uh... a door away? Is that how you say it?” Eren grins sheepishly, probably finding his own statement stupid. Levi just thinks it’s cute. “Anyway! It’s nice to meet you, Levi, and see you around, then, I hope?”

  Levi nods. “See you around,” he mutters. Eren beams and takes a deep bow - he’s so polite, what the fuck - and Levi watches longingly as the boy turns back and makes his way to the apartment next to Levi’s. He closes his door, and he couldn’t even find it in him to process what has just happened if he tried, because the wave of sadness is back and hitting Levi in full force.

  He slumps down against the door and starts to sob. He doesn’t know why, but he lets it all out. He lets the tears fall and the pain to consume him. He lets the dam break, and he doesn’t try fixing it. He lets out ugly sounds of longing and of apologies. He says _I love you, I miss you_ to no one, which he finds uncanny, but he just knows that he _should_ . His hands grab fistfuls of his hair and he clutches at them painfully as he mumbles out _I love you so much, please forgive me_ like a litany _. Please don’t be mad at me._ He’s a mess and a whirlwind of emotions and he finally cries like he should have every time it rained, and he cries for a reason he doesn’t know at all.

 

  He finds himself in front of Eren’s door the next day, holding a housewarming basket. There’s a box of pancake mix, a container of blueberry jam and an assortment of other items that Levi can only hope Eren finds helpful and edible. He also made a card mentioning local services that Levi thinks would be helpful in the future, including the addresses of the good restaurants, the local gym, the nearest library and movie theaters. There are probably more items in the basket than necessary, but Levi is a grown ass man who doesn’t half-ass anything and makes sure that things are up to his par - even when it comes to something as simple as a housewarming gift.

  Levi Ackerman really doesn’t give two shits about what other people think about him, but somehow, when it comes to Eren, he does. His...instinct is telling him to get to know Eren, to protect him and bond with him, and...okay, the kid might be adorable, but he definitely _hasn’t_ developed some sort of attraction towards Eren at all. It’s not like his heart skips a beat when he thinks about the boy or something, and it’s not like he always wants to see him smile because the world looks so bright when he does...or something.

   _Anyway._

  He’s on a mission today, because after the downright embarrassing scene he had made in front of Eren yesterday, Levi might have spent the whole Sunday morning preparing his housewarming basket just so he can make it up to him.

  So maybe he wants to make a _better_ impression than that scene he caused yesterday, and he takes a deep breath to calm himself. There’s anxiety that’s lingering inside of him because despite the fact that his gut is telling him to know Eren, it’s also telling him to be wary of the boy. The feelings he has come to harbor for him are only causing Levi to feel more confused than anything, but he’s already had enough of feeling so depressed for an unknown reason, and he thinks this whole thing has something to do with his nextdoor neighbor. Right now, he’ll take whatever hint the universe is offering him if it means finally being able to enjoy the rain like a normal human being.

  He gives himself a pep talk for a few seconds before he finally musters the courage to knock on the door. He does so three times, and he stands there and waits patiently. He hears footsteps, and the sound sends his heart pounding. The door opens, revealing the curious face of Eren Jaeger.

  Levi isn’t crying upon seeing him, which in itself is a massive improvement from yesterday’s fiasco. There’s still the ache in his chest, though. The pain is not intense, which is good, but it isn’t dull, either, which is _not_ good. Eren looks surprised, judging by the way his eyes are now considerably larger. It makes Levi swallow because he looks so fucking cute with the black sweatshirt framing his body and the pair of eyeglasses making him look older yet younger at the same time. His heart can’t help but skip a beat, and Christ, he needs to get a grip; he’s much too old for this shit.

  He clears his throat and starts his mission. “Hello, Eren. I hope you’re having a nice day.”

  His voice sounds steady. Good.

  Eren blinks, probably wondering what an old creep like Levi is doing in front of his door and Levi tries to backtrack because why did he ever think that this is a good idea--

  “I’m having a nice day so far. Thank you, Levi,” Eren says, and he’s smiling, so okay, Levi takes that as a good sign.

  He hands the basket to Eren. “Here’s a little housewarming gift for you. I hope you’ve had a successful move.”

  Eren beams and takes the gift. “Thank you! This is so nice of you,” he mumbles as he gives the basket a look from left to right. He seems genuinely happy to be gifted a housewarming basket, and he squints his eyes in concentration when he takes a good look at the local services card that Levi took the time to write. He internally blows out a breath filled with relief. So maybe he has finally accomplished his mission. Maybe now Eren won’t remember him as the crying old creep nextdoor. Maybe now he’ll think of him as the kind-hearted neighbor who gave him a housewarming basket instead.

   _Get a fucking grip, Ackerman._

  He’s about to excuse himself when Eren suddenly jumps and whips his head to look at Levi. “I’m so sorry, this is so rude of me. I should be inviting you in at least. Please come in!” He steps aside and gestures for Levi to get in. “I just got caught up with your gift because this is my first time receiving a housewarming basket. It’s just so cool and I’m so excited about having one and...I’m going to start rambling if I don’t stop. Please come in!”

  Levi thinks twice because stepping in would mean following his instinct but at the same time would mean going _against_ his instinct. “I appreciate the offer, but really, there’s no need,” Levi starts as he shoves his hands into the pocket of his black denim shorts. “I just really wanted to make you feel welcome.”

  “But I insist,” Eren mumbles as he looks at Levi with pleading eyes, making his chest ache in fondness. Have mercy on him; he’s already had enough of his chest aching too much.

  Levi sighs. “Alright,” he mutters finally. In the end, his interest in the boy has overshadowed his wariness, and if his instinct is correct, then he no longer has any choice but to get close with Eren. “I hope I’m not disturbing you or anything,” he adds.

  Eren flashes his million dollar smile. “No, not at all! Please come in, then,” he says excitedly. “This is my first time hosting a neighbor on my own, so I apologize in advance if I look like I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  “It’s fine,” he replies as he takes a quick look at the apartment. It’s a little messy, with a few unpacked boxes pressed up against the wall to Levi’s left. It has the same layout as his apartment, so he knows that the hall that opens up next to the stack of boxes leads to the bedroom, and that the kitchen and the sink are situated at the far right corner of the apartment. The darkwood floor is furnished with a sleek black couch and an oval shaped table. It’s something Levi would buy, and he makes a face that has _Not bad._ written all over it.

  “Please take a seat,” Eren mumbles as he makes his way to the fridge next to the sink. “Do you want water, soda, or anything to drink?” he calls out as Levi makes himself comfortable on the couch.

  “Water is fine, thank you.”

  Eren comes back holding two glasses of water and takes a seat next to Levi. He grins. “Thanks for the gift again,” he mumbles rather a little shyly, pushing up his glasses, and Levi thinks he’s already smitten. If this keeps happening, Levi probably (definitely) won’t be able to survive another week with him.

  “You’re welcome,” Levi says as he takes his glass, drinking from it so that he’s able to hide his flustered state. “I see you’re nearly done settling,” he observes because he’s definitely _not_ trying to make a light conversation with his endearing neighbor who he’s only known for a day.

  “Yeah,” the boy says. “I moved in here mid-school year since I don’t stay in the dorms and it’s closer to my university.”

  “You go to Trost University?” Levi asks. It’s the closest university to their building.

  Eren nods, and Levi internally sighs in relief. He mentally curses himself at the same time, though, because he shouldn’t be thinking about him being a professor in a _different_ university. Besides the fact that he doesn’t even have any idea whether Eren’s straight or not, this boy just looks too pure, too sweet and way out of Levi’s league. The fact that he’s even thinking of his possible relationship with Eren in the future is already alarming in itself. He needs to put his thoughts to a stop right now.

  “What are you taking up, then?” Levi asks. He doesn’t even bother hiding the curiosity in his eyes, because he really wants to know more about this boy.

  Eren’s eyes light up at the question. “I’m hoping to get a degree in Sports Management,” he starts, taking his own glass of water and drinking from it as well. “I’m a volleyball player, and the way business is run behind sports really fascinates me a lot, so I’m hoping to be able to use the degree in the future, especially after I retire as an athlete.”

  An athlete. Huh. Levi tries his best to ignore how Eren must look without those clothes and focuses on how this boy has already practically outlined his life ahead of him. “That’s good. What year are you in right now?”

  “I’m in my third year.”

  Levi hums. “I’m a professor in University of Sina,” he offers, thinking it’s only fair to share that with him since so far, Eren has been the only one telling rather personal details to someone he barely even knows. “I teach Education and a little bit of Communication subjects, and everyday I get less and less patient with my students.”

  Eren laughs, and it’s bubbly and hearty, like he really understands Levi’s shitty sense of humor. He’s so fucking cute that Levi can’t help but let his ego get stroked a _teeny tiny_ bit, and he definitely needs to stop pining now because suddenly he feels a little guilty for something he doesn’t know. Again.

  They continue talking comfortably, and Levi finds out that Eren grew up in Shiganshina and moved to the city to pursue his volleyball career and degree. He has two best friends who came in with him; one of them is taking up Law and the other one is taking up Medicine. He learns that his dad is a well known surgeon and his mom would have come live with Eren if he hadn’t promised her that he’d call her every day. He celebrated his birthday last week, and Levi makes a mental note to ensure that he will _not_ miss it next year.

  It’s six in the evening when they’re done talking, and Levi decides that he should get going. He has an early class tomorrow and Eren probably has one too. Besides, the school year is already about to end, and then he can spend the whole summer getting to know the boy. He tries hard not to get excited at the thought, because it’s not like he has a crush on Eren or something.

  Seriously.

  “It was really nice talking to you,” Eren says as he walks Levi to the door.

  “It was nice talking to you, too,” Levi says. He allows himself to let out a little smile because Eren fucking beams like Levi’s just told him that he’s going to be on the National Team right after he graduates. He definitely needs to go now, otherwise he’ll find a way to stay a just a little bit longer.

  “I’ll see you around, Levi!” Eren blurts out excitedly, and they exchange phone numbers because _that’s_ what neighbors do, making Levi feel giddy as he returns to his own apartment.

  The moment he closes his door, though, the room feels empty, and he suddenly feels lonely. He heaves a deep sigh as he makes his way to the couch, deciding to skip dinner. That giddy feeling he experienced when he was with Eren a few minutes ago is now gone, replaced by a mix of guilt, sadness and intense yearning instead. He suddenly misses Eren as if he was the boy’s husband, and _fuck_ this is starting to alarm Levi because this is no longer normal. He’s known the kid for a _day_. He opens the television, trying to focus on the news that’s being flashed on screen but failing hard. He curses for the hundredth time that day.

  It’s not raining today, but the ache is back in his chest with a vengeance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UGH this is what watching k-dramas does to me. I watched this k-drama called Goblin, like, two weeks ago, and it just hit me //right there// and I couldn't help writing an Ereri fic about it.
> 
> This fic is loosely based on the drama Goblin, and if you've already watched it, you'll probably already have an idea as to the plot behind it. ;) Also, you can listen to one of Goblin's OST called "I Miss You". It's Korean, of course, but the melody is just perfect for this fic I think, and you'll have an idea about which pairing I based this on. ;)
> 
> ANYWAY.
> 
> I should get back to finishing my other fics, but UGH I GOT SIDETRACKED AND AM BEING SWAMPED WITH WORK RIGHT NOW AND I'M SO SORRY GUYS PLEASE DON'T BE MAD AT ME. In the mean time, though, I hope you enjoyed this one! Tell me what you guys think!


	2. MISS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay I have an update for you guys! XD I should probably give you a heads up. There are manga spoilers in this chapter. Please proceed with caution lol.

  levi was utterly bone-tired but content nevertheless as he lay down in his bed, letting the sheets cover their nudity and provide them with warmth. there was a presence beside him, pressed up against him and nuzzling his neck. levi tightened his hold on said presence and exhaled as he finally got settled and ready to sleep. the night was peaceful, even though the stars were covered by clouds and the air was a bit thick with hints of an approaching light shower. it was still quiet enough to send him to sleep, anyway, and that was what mattered to him. they were going on a mission next week, and he needed to get as much rest as needed.

  which levi thought was really easier said than done when he felt the puff of a giggle that was muffled against his neck.

  “brat,” levi called out sternly yet fondly. he couldn’t help but kiss the tuft of hair that was tickling his chin.

  “i know, i know,” eren sighed. “i’m sorry. i just thought of something.”

  he cracked open an eye. levi could tell that this was one of those times where eren wouldn’t be able to stay still until he talked about what he was thinking. he decided it was best to humor him now so that they could finally get some rest from the gruelling training they’d had all day. “what is it?” he asked.

  “it’s a little…exciting, trying to keep us a secret,” he whispered, acting as if talking about it aloud inside levi’s quarters of all places would reveal their rather private affair. levi couldn’t help but snort. he knew that eren knew their secret relationship was a serious matter, and that it wasn’t something they could fish some jokes from, but it was honestly such an _eren_ thing to say that levi found it funny.

  “don’t act like we’re the only ones doing it,” he murmured, running his right hand through eren’s hair as his left arm pulled the boy closer. given his age, eren had a lean frame more than anything with a few body fats here and there, but there were more muscles that had finally started to show and harden, especially on his arms. as it should have been, levi thought; their training regimen as members of the survey corps was really fucking rigorous - challenging but necessary - and if it still wasn’t be enough to sculpt the bodies of tall, young soldiers like eren, he didn’t know what else could. “that blond mushroom and kirschtein aren’t really as subtle as they think they are, you know.”

  “no, i suppose they really are not,” eren giggled again, more quietly this time. “but between them, there are no superior officers involved, much less someone like humanity’s strongest soldier.”

  fair point, levi mentally conceded. to be honest, their relationship was still quite new, and that made it fragile and vulnerable to all sorts of problems. it shouldn’t even have happened in the first place, which was exactly what had made levi reject eren when the boy had confessed to him in his office a few months ago. there had just been too many variables involved, from their respective ages, to their lives as soldiers, to their responsibilities to humanity. even if levi had already been in love with eren then, he’d stubbornly thought that keeping his distance was the right thing to do.

  eren, to his credit, had taken it like a man would have. there had been a few days of crestfallen looks from the boy, but over time he’d come to learn how to hide it. it hadn’t surprised levi at all; eren was a stubborn and determined soldier, and he knew better than anyone that he had responsibilities that only he could shoulder. he’d always wanted to gain levi’s approval after all. not that he went out of his way to impress the captain, but he always tried his best to not mess things up and and cause a disappointed look on levi’s face. so, even after getting rejected, he had kept on going as normally as possible.

   _as normally as possible_ , because he had still noticed the stolen glances from eren during meals. he had never stopped looking longingly at levi, had never stopped getting flustered next to him. it had been a painful time for the two of them, even if levi was never going to admit it in front of eren, but that didn’t matter now, because they were finally together this time around.

  “and you know you would do well to be more careful around me in public,” levi told him sternly and maybe a little bit harshly. eren had never really done anything stupid enough to reveal their affair to anyone yet, but it never hurt to be more cautious.

  “yes, sir,” eren bit back. and there it was. the bitterness in his tone. the room suddenly became tense. the air in the room was suddenly filled with tension, and levi didn’t even bother reprimanding eren anymore because he felt just as frustrated as the boy was. he wished things were different, that there was no marley nation to engage in a war with, that eren didn’t have only fucking four years left to live, and he desperately hoped that commander hanji would be able to find a way around the curse on eren or any titan shifter.

  he had come to dream of a happy and peaceful life with eren over the past few months that they had been together. he’d come to want a life where he could wake up without thinking of waging war with another nation, where he could step out of his home and _really_ appreciate the sun above him and the sea in front of him. he’d come to want a family, where levi would come home from an exhausting day at work and be greeted by a tiny little girl squealing _daddy!,_ followed by someone kissing his cheek and welcoming him back. he had become desperate for a life where he could just lie down on a patch of grass and hum out a melody while someone else petted his hair as he fell asleep without a care about the world.

  but that was close to impossible with their current situation, and they had to live with what they had now. they didn’t really have much choice. levi knew that eren understood that. humanity’s freedom rested on their shoulders. they had a duty to the people in their island, and as much as they loved each other, they would have to choose the greater good over their relationship when it came down to it. they had made that one clear when they’d decided to give what they had a chance.

  they understood, and they weren’t going to try to get out of their destiny. but that didn’t mean they wanted it to get to that point. levi didn’t know if he’d survive it.

  he tightened his hold on eren. “don’t die,” he whispered against his hair. “don’t die, and we’ll figure this thing out eventually.”

  eren hugged levi tighter as well and buried his face against the older man’s neck. there was a hint of desperation that was mixed in the way they held each other tonight, which was really only understandable. they didn’t know if they would make it out alive next week, especially since it would be their first time fighting the marley nation. they were a threat more dangerous than mindless titans after all. they didn’t know if they’d survive the war, even if the military was more formidable this time around.

  they could still fail.

  they could still die.

  “i won’t,” eren mumbled anyway. “i won’t die.”

  levi nuzzled him with his cheek. eren not dying sounded nice. “you’d better not. now let’s go to sleep.”

 

***

 

  Levi wakes up at exactly five in the morning and he probably (absolutely) feels more energetic than necessary, but he can’t even get himself to feel bothered about it because he loves going on morning runs. He doesn’t really know why. Maybe it’s because of the way the sunrise reminds him of a fresh start to his day, or maybe there’s some stupid scientific explanation to the relationship between exercise and human emotions that Hanji would take time discussing. He isn’t really sure, and he doesn’t really care, because he can’t fucking wait to just jog around the city that’s probably still a little chilly at five in the morning and that’s all his half-awake brain can process and think of at the moment.

  He hauls himself out of bed and trudges to his bathroom to get dressed. He hums out the melody to a stupid Justin Bieber song that he heard his students play the other day, and he tries to mentally organize what he’s going to do today. It’s already summer in Sina University and the academic year has already ended, but he has three units’ worth of summer class to teach, so he has to report to the university in the afternoon. He also has a few things to organize for his research paper, so he has to stay in his apartment in the morning and at least try to get some work done.  He makes a mental note to do it right after running, which reminds him that he really should be getting ready now.

   Twenty minutes later he finds himself quickly grabbing his keys and stepping out of the door. He stops in front of Eren’s apartment, though, and knocks three times. He hears the muffled sound of someone yelling “I’m coming!” as he fiddles with his phone to get his playlist ready, and just a few seconds later he’s already face to face with a smiling Eren in his running gear and untangling his earbuds.

  Yep, morning runs are the fucking best.

  They didn’t _plan_ it really; it’s not like Levi or Eren asked the other during the first time they talked if they could go run together in the mornings. It just...happened. Eren is an athlete, and since it’s the offseason, he needs to keep himself fit and conditioned. Levi, on the other hand, has always liked going on morning runs. By coincidence, they came out of their apartments at the same time, and there was a kind of silent, mutual impression that they liked each other’s company, and so none of them have really done anything to push the other away since then.

  “I think I’m about to get my ass handed to me today,” Eren says, and Levi can’t really get himself to stop staring at his pout.

  “Why?” he asks anyway, just so he won’t get caught blatantly ogling.

  “I have an exam later and I don’t know shit about the topic,” Eren whines and Levi can only shake his head and chastise him, promising to help the boy later as they make their way to the elevator and out into the streets of the city.

  Running has already become such a natural part of their daily routine that it has already come to the point they would just normally talk about anything that would interest them every time they did. Besides their first encounter, Levi has never really felt any sort of intense pain around Eren anymore. Furthermore, over the few weeks that they’ve been neighbors, they’ve already managed to get past the awkward stage of their relationship - which means that there are no longer shy smiles of reassurances between them, just playful bantering. Levi would like to think that they’ve already become close friends, which is already a big improvement from being just awkward neighbors.

  Not that Levi’s trying to get _somewhere_ beyond being friends with Eren or anything...but…

   _Anyway._

  They trek along their usual route, with Levi finally blasting music (there’s no Justin Bieber saved in his phone, he’s more of an Imagine Dragons and Maroon 5 type of guy) through his own earbuds. The sun has already started peeking through the sky, but it’s still as chilly as ever. People have already started moving around and getting ready for the day ahead, but Levi pays no mind to them because he can only focus his whole attention on the boy who’s running in front of him.

  Levi doesn’t know if he’s supposed to feel thrilled or high-strung because the Reebok tights that Eren’s wearing are underscoring his ass and toned legs, and it’s not helping that he’s _running_ , meaning there’s a rhythmic sight of muscles moving in front of him. This is the first time Eren has worn those tights, and Lord help him; it takes everything in him to be able to keep running like he’s not affected at all. He has to keep averting his gaze, which is honestly just useless, because he always ends up staring at the round mounds in front of him.

  An hour later, they finally make it back to their apartment complex and they go their separate ways for the mean time, which Levi is thankful for. He walks straight into the bathroom in order to calm himself, and it might have taken him longer than necessary to get out of the bathroom. An hour later, though, after they have finally freshened up and eaten breakfast, he finds Eren in his apartment, carrying his laptop and a backpack full of books, ready to brave the daunting day ahead of him.

  Levi knows that he still has a research paper to finish writing this morning, but with Eren standing in front of him, he can’t even get himself to complain at all about the distraction.”

 

  “Hey, Levi?” Eren asks him thirty minutes into studying for his exam that afternoon, signalling to Levi that he’s already had enough of stuffing information into his brain for now. He’s in the middle of understanding the relationship between organizational behavior and the sports industry, and Levi can’t even blame Eren for finding a way to distract himself. That shit is just too hard.

  “Yes, brat?” Levi replies.

  Eren closes the book that he’s reading and faces Levi who’s busy scrolling through his phone. “Do you believe in reincarnation?”

  Well, that was unexpected. Until a few seconds ago, Eren had only ever talked about volleyball or his stupid tests or how annoying his parents could be. He must have come across something related to it a few days ago, and it must have been interesting enough to catch his attention because otherwise, his mind wouldn’t be wandering down that lane at the moment.

  Levi drops his phone and turns to face Eren as well. “What’s with the question, all of a sudden?”

  Eren furrows his brows in concentration, and Levi can practically _see_ him collecting and organizing his thoughts in his brain.“I just….” he finally starts, biting his lip, “sometimes I have dreams, and sometimes they don’t feel like dreams - more like memories, but...not really?”

  “How do you know it’s a _memory?_ ” Levi prods, resting his arm over the back of the couch and waiting expectantly. He might as well just talk it out of Eren’s system. If this keeps bothering him, he’s sure Eren won’t be able to concentrate on the test he’s going to take this afternoon, and he’s not really keen on having a moping Eren in his apartment all weekend. He’s already experienced it once, and he’d really appreciate it if it didn’t happen _ever_ again.

  Eren squints his eyes and pouts ever so slightly, probably trying to find the best way to explain it. “I just...do,” he mumbles.

  “There’s gotta be something,” Levi says.

  “I don’t know,” Eren sighs in frustration, “I just forget the dreams the moment I wake up but I just feel like I’ve already experienced the dream before, but I can’t really even be sure about it because I don’t remember my dreams at all!”

  “Hm. I don’t really know,” Levi muses, since he hasn’t really entertained such ideas in his head. “Anything is possible, really, more so if there’s evidence to prove it.”

  “But I watched this drama called _Goblin_ and like it talks about reincarnation and stuff!” Eren says as he sits up. His eyes light up in amazement, and Levi has to struggle to actually be able to pay attention to what Eren is saying because Eren’s eyes have suddenly become cosmic, twinkling with wonder and awe, and it’s enough to get Levi to just stare at them because they’re just so...so _Eren_ , so beautiful and captivating with its depth that one could no longer really escape the trap even if they tried.

  It’s no longer just his eyes, actually. Over the past few weeks, Levi has come to notice Eren’s little quirks, like the way he pouts when he’s frustrated and puffs his cheeks when he’s really angry. He’s fairly average when it comes to his General Subjects, but aces those related to Sports Management. He can’t really stay up that late - he can only keep himself awake until ten in the evening. He hates his eyeglasses, but reluctantly wears it anyway because it’s better than wearing contact lenses. He’s taking care of his left ankle because he’d injured it during their Championship Game last month and apparently it could get aggravated with how reckless Eren is, so Levi looks after it too because he doesn’t want him to get injured agai--

  “--vi! Hey Leeee-vi!” Eren calls out and Levi snaps out of his trance. Eren is waving his left hand in front of him, looking concerned and it’s only then that Levi realizes that he’s been staring.

  He blinks and clears his throat. “Sorry, I was just thinking,” he mutters.

  “About reincarnation?” Eren asks again.

  “No, not really.”

  Eren pouts, looking a little offended, and Levi sighs because he knows a rant is about to come next. He loves hearing Eren’s voice, really, but the boy tends to get carried away with his rants sometimes, and he somehow feels that today, it’s going to be much worse than usual. Eren needs to study for an exam, too, and he can’t spend the next thirty minutes trying to trick Levi into listening to his reincarnation theories.

  “You don’t believe me, do you?” Eren accuses, and, ah, so it starts. Levi just sits back and listens, because he might as well take advantage of this moment and listen to Eren’s voice. At least he’ll finally be able to concentrate on his test this afternoon since he’s already flushing this reincarnation thing out of his system. Levi will let him talk for as long as he wants if it means Eren will ace his test.

  Ah, the things Levi is willing to do for this boy.

 

***

 

  he knew the moment he heard someone knock on his door that eren was standing outside. the boy had been fidgety this afternoon when they’d been reviewing their plan for tomorrow’s expedition. he’d been nervous, levi had been able to tell. he’d barely been able to concentrate on the meeting and it had taken levi a lot of harsh barks to actually get him to listen and concentrate. eren probably wanted to explain his behavior this afternoon while no one was around, so he made a beeline for the door because he wanted eren to be free of any anxieties tomorrow, and if the boy needed to talk to levi in order to feel calmer, then he would damn well do it without question.

  he opened the door, and sure enough, eren stood in front of him, looking more stressed than he’d been this afternoon. he looked like he hadn’t slept for forty eight hours, with the bags under his eyes nearly rivaling levi’s and his hair more dishevelled than usual. he internally sighed. this wasn’t going to be a good conversation.

  “quit the greetings, brat. is there something you want?” he asked when eren was about to salute him in his fucking quarters of all places.

  eren, nevertheless, dropped his hand and cleared his throat. “uhm, i just came to tell you, s-sir, that...that i don’t want you to die tomorrow.”

  levi raised an eyebrow and waited for more. surely this wasn’t the only thing he had come all the way here for? it wasn’t like him at all.

  when it was clear that eren no longer had anything else to say, though, levi spoke again. “and?”

  eren blinked, stared at him for a few seconds and then swallowed. “and...and that’s all sir.”

  “that’s...all?”

  eren just nodded, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt in an attempt to hide his nervousness.

  “you came all the way to my quarters, deep into the night, when you should be resting, to tell me that you don’t want me to die?” he prodded, because he knew that there was more to this than eren chose to show.

  eren flinched, but nevertheless kept his resolve. “uhm, armin told me a while ago that he didn’t want me to die because i was important to him, and he also explained that he didn’t want to have any regrets in case he dies tomorrow,” he mumbled.

  “so?” levi asked again. he already knew what eren was implying, and he could practically feel his resolve crumbling. it had already been painful enough when he had rejected eren the first time in his office, and if this was another one of the boy’s attempts at confessing, he didn’t know how he would be able to do it again.

  “i just wanted you to know that...y-you’re important to a lot of people, sir, including me,” eren said.

  “brat--”

  “and i’m not trying to confess to you again, sir!” eren cut in. he must have seen the look of resignation in levi’s eyes. “i know you don’t see me that way, and i understand your decision. i respect it. it’s just...i don’t want to have regrets, too. you’re important to me, and i just felt like you should know it.”

  eren was blushing furiously now, and levi found the boy’s determination completely endearing. endearing, sweet, adorable, and completely unlike levi, who’d been determined to stay _away_ from eren all the time. it must have been really hard for boy, and levi hated it because the truth was that he’d been keeping his distance not because he didn’t want him, but because he loved him. he loved him a lot. he cared for the boy, and he wanted eren to stay alive until the end of the war for his own selfish reasons. because maybe after the war he’d finally be able to make things right between the two of them. maybe then he’d finally be able to pursue a relationship with eren. maybe then they’d finally be able to be together and live a happy life in this shitty, godforsaken world.

  but unlike levi, though, eren had still come to him, even if he knew that he wouldn’t get what he’d always wanted in the end, just to tell levi that he was important to a lot of people - because he didn’t want to have regrets. he knew that he might not make it past tomorrow’s expedition and he didn’t want to die without being able to tell levi that he was important. he’d been courageous in the face of rejection - all because he didn’t want to waste what little time he probably had left with levi.

  it fucking hurt, because levi didn’t want to have any more regrets either. he’d been fighting his feelings for so long already, and as much as levi wanted to keep eren safe, he wanted to be able to run his fingers through that soft, brown hair and pull him down for a kiss too. he wanted to hold him, make silly conversations with him and laugh with him until the sun was no longer up and the candlelight had finally died down. he wanted to make love to him, worship him and show him that he was important to levi, too. he wanted him, and he wanted him more than anything he’d ever wished for in his life.

  he didn’t want to fight his feelings anymore.

  okay. well.

  so much for keeping his distance.

  without saying anything, he pulled eren into his quarters and closed the door. eren squeaked in surprise but nevertheless kept quiet as levi pushed him against it. levi could see those eyes widening in shock, but he ignored it and pulled eren down to his level, his lips just a few centimeters away from eren’s. levi wanted to kiss those lips _now_ , but nevertheless restrained himself because there was still something he needed to ask the boy.

  “do you still want me, eren?”

  “w-what?”

  levi forced down a chuckle. no matter how endearing eren looked, he was already becoming impatient. “do you still want me? do you still feel the same way about me?” he asked again, running his thumb across eren’s lower lip and revelling in the small gasp that had escaped the boy’s throat.

  two seconds felt like forever but nevertheless worth it as eren bit his lip and nodded. levi was sure that he was still shocked about what was happening, but he couldn’t even get himself to be bothered about it that much because he finally had his answer, and that meant he could finally do what he’d always wanted to do to eren for the past few, torturous and agonizing months.

  he leaned forward, pressed his lips softly to eren’s and groaned rather loudly because it was just so, _so_ good that he felt like he was bursting at the seams. eren’s lips were chapped and shaking as he moved them against levi’s, and levi didn’t like that. he didn’t like that eren was tense when he should have been enjoying this as much as levi was, so he pressed his lips harder against eren’s and rubbed small, soothing circles at the back of his neck in an attempt to coax into relaxation. he slid his hand down and rubbed it against eren’s side because as much as he wanted to tell eren that it was okay to kiss him back, he didn’t want to pull away. he’d been craving eren’s lips  for so long it hurt, and now that he was finally able to touch them, he wasn’t going to let go anytime soon.

  he heard eren whimper softly and finally, _finally_ , he grabbed one of levi’s arms and kissed back more firmly. something inside levi snapped, and he growled as he kissed eren more fiercely and pushed him harder against the door. he heard eren gasp as he slid his hand underneath the boy’s shirt, and levi took the opportunity to slip his tongue into his mouth, loving the way eren moaned as he let levi lead the kiss, completely surrendering himself to the captain. eren tasted so fucking sweet and levi was already addicted to it, and he didn’t even care that it suddenly felt hot around him or that there was drool trickling down eren’s chin and--

  no. not drool.

  they were tears. and there was an abundant amount of them falling down eren’s face.

  eren was crying.

  levi broke the kiss, searching eren’s face for...for _something_. he couldn’t think. he was panicking because eren was obviously distressed and it might have been because what had just happened. “what’s wrong?” he asked frantically, running his hands through eren’s face and hair to calm him down. “why are you crying, eren?”

  eren sniffled and gave him a watery smile before burying his neck against levi’s neck. “i’m happy,” he mumbled shakily, and levi’s heart ached. “i’m just really, really happy.”

  levi huffed in relief and wrapped his arms around eren, just holding him and letting the boy get himself together. he kissed every patch of eren’s skin that his lips could reach, he kissed his hair, whispered against his cheek that it was okay, and patiently listened to every sniffle and whimper. he knew how eren felt. it had been painful trying to hide his feelings for eren, and the blissful sensation of finally being able to be with him was overwhelming and heavenly.

  “w-what’s changed?” eren asked weakly, almost acting as if he was in a dream and that trying to make some noise would throw him back to reality.

  “because i love you,” he murmured simply, and maybe it had been the wrong thing to do because eren was sobbing again and whispering sloppy _i love you too_ s  as he buried his face deeper against levi’s shoulder once more, making levi chuckle softly. he was too cute for his own good.

  “you can’t take it back,” eren mumbled, finally managing to stand straight and face levi.

  levi smiled as he wiped eren’s face. “i wouldn’t dare,” he promised and carried eren to his bed, tucking him in as he went to put out the candle before he  finally slid into the covers and pulled him against his chest. he knew that they still needed to talk about things if they wanted this to work out, and that it wasn’t going to be easier from this point on, but all that really mattered right now was that eren was next to him, alive and snuggling into him.

  he was glad he’d finally chosen eren, and despite the fact that they probably wouldn’t survive the expedition tomorrow, he didn’t regret his choice one bit.

 

***

 

  Levi takes a look at his index card for the hundredth time that day and skims through his short notes, inhaling deeply and hoping that he’ll be able to deliver his speech properly. His hands are disgustingly clammy despite the rows of ACs lining the walls of the auditorium, and he’s been tapping his foot for the past five minutes now because the damn kid who’s standing on the podium hasn’t finished introducing Levi yet and he just wants to get this done and over with already. He briefly thinks of just walking out in frustration, but this is a very helpful and important addition to his credentials or some shit so he quietly groans and stays put as he patiently waits for his turn to stand on the podium.

  He was busy devising a framework for his research paper last summer when the invitation popped up on his e-mails. The University of Eastern Mitras apparently wants Levi to talk to a group of students about his personal experiences related to public relations and how it has gradually relied on technology and social media to optimize their audience reach. It’s an annoying thing to discuss, and he wouldn’t even have accepted it if Dot Pixis, a long-time colleague and the Dean of the university’s College of Communications hadn’t offered him that imported wine he’d always wanted to get a hold of. Now he’s having second thoughts about choosing to accept the stupid invitation with the way things are right now, but it’s not like he can back out anymore.

  Dot Pixis will give him another bottle of that wine, Levi’s going to make sure of it. This shit is just too stressful.

  Finally, his name is called out and applause greets him as he steps into the stage and gets ready for his speech. He notices a number of students giving him a standing ovation, and, okay, apparently he’s a very respected professor, which is so not true because he’s a complete guttermouth with very little manners (according to Hanji), so he doesn’t get why people defer to him and look up to him, but...well, whatever. He clears his throat and waits for his audience to get settled.

  “Thank you for that rather long introduction, Miss Reiss,” he starts. “Though I’d like to let you all know that I take my height measurement very seriously, and that I just found out last week that I’ve grown a bit. I’m now five-feet-three-inches tall, thank you very much, and I’d really love it if you congratulated me for it.”

  There’s a chorus of laughter and mumbles of congratulations thrown at Levi, and he smirks because he really does care about the way people treat his height, and it also means that he’s already successfully caught his audience’s attention. Good. The earlier he can wrap this up, the better.

  “Frankly speaking, this topic isn’t going to be hard, since you’re the generation that make up majority of the users of social media. I’m sure you all have Twitter accounts, yes?”

  Most answer _yes_ while some of them just nod their heads, and Levi hums in acknowledgment. “If there’s anyone here who doesn’t have a Twitter account, please raise your hand.”

  None of them raise their hands.

  As expected. “How about Instagram?” he asks again.

  Still no hands raised.

  Levi can already feel himself getting in his element, and he doesn’t stop it. He starts explaining the relationship between technology to public relationship, sharing statistics, facts and his personal experiences during the process. He makes sure to instill audience participation all throughout his speech slash lecture, and he cracks jokes that Hanji and Erwin made two days ago because Levi’s sense of humor is really fucking horrible, and he doesn’t want to end up offending any of his audience. No, not that, thank you very much.

  The speech is a success, with a little questions raised to him during the open forum, but besides that, nothing significant happens. Levi sighs in relief because he’s nearly finished with the snacks that the university took the time to prepare for him and he can’t wait to just get home, sit down and watch some shitty channel on the television, or maybe have Eren over, anything really.

  It doesn’t work the way he wants to, though, because he suddenly hears the pitter patter of raindrops hitting the roof of the building they’re in.

  Levi panics because _shit, shit, fuck_ he’s still inside the Eastern Mitras campus and it’s a thirty-minute drive to his apartment and he’s not going to drive while it’s raining because it’s dangerous on so many levels and he can’t afford to ask his friends to call him either because they have their own jobs to attend to and they won’t make it in time anyway and there’s also the risk of them finding out about his secret if he calls them and it’s---

  He stands up abruptly, startling everyone on the table and probably everyone else in the room, but he doesn’t care. He can already feel the familiar feeling of sadness creep through him, and he nearly chokes out a sob because why the _fuck_ can’t he get a break? He runs to the bathroom and locks the door, slumping against it, panting and sweating. The feeling is already close to consuming him wholly, like a cloud of darkness, seeping through every one of his veins and torturing him slowly. He’s going to lose himself, and he doesn’t want it. He doesn’t want it anymore. He’s already had enough of this mess, and there’s only one thing he can think of to keep himself grounded.

  It’s probably a stupid idea, and it’s probably not going to work, but he dials Eren’s number anyway.

  It rings three times and Levi closes his eyes, praying for the boy to answer his goddamn phone just this onc--

  “Hello? Levi?”

  Oh thank god.

  “Eren,” he breathes out, no longer caring how desperate he probably sounds at the moment.

  “Levi?” he hears Eren mumble in concern, and Levi can feel some of the darkness escape him. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  It’s working. Fucking hell, listening to Eren is fucking working.

  “I’m fine,” he says, deciding to focus on the boy’s voice.

  “You don’t sound like it, though.”

  “I’ll be fine,” he reassures him. “Just….just talk about something, anything, please?”

  “Okay,” Eren says, and there’s a little bit of a pause. He’s probably thinking of what he’s supposed to say. “Oh, uhm, we’ll have our first game of the season next week. Do you want to come?”

  Levi snorts because he knows how important the game is to Eren and if he wants Levi to be a part of it by going to watch him then of course he’s going to fucking watch him play. “Okay,” he mutters, feeling himself finally relaxing. “Will you be a part of the starters?”

  “Of course I am!” Eren mutters indignantly. “I’ve been in the starting six since last year and I’ve been improving you short asshole.”

  Levi gasps audibly, taking mock offense, but actually rolling his eyes, and he actually doesn’t feel miserable now. It’s like a miracle. “I’m actually taller now, thank you very much. Besides, I just want to know if you’re really good or not.”

 “I’m...decent,” Eren mumbles.

 “Right. Okay. I believe you.”

 “I hate you and your sarcastic ass.”

  Levi snorts. “That sarcastic ass you’re talking about helped you pass an exam you’d been failing, thank you very much.”

  “Ugh, don’t remind me,” Eren mumbles, making Levi chuckle again. They keep talking about the most random things, like why Levi’s hair is parted like that, or what Eren’s favorite television show is. Before Levi knows it, the rain has already stopped, and he breathes a sigh of relief as he ends his call with Eren and starts inconspicuously exiting the building. He can’t wait to get home and sleep this whole day off. It has been exhausting and weird and confusing, and he isn’t really sure if his mind is focused enough to be able to process what has just happened.

  He doesn’t know why Eren is able to keep him from feeling depressed on rainy days, but he does know that he’s already starting to fall for him. Quite dangerous, actually, but it also feels so _right_ that he couldn’t really find it in himself to stop even if he tried. He’s not really sure what the fuck is happening anymore, but right now, with the how shaken and tired he is, he just really wants to sleep.

 

***

 

  captain levi ackerman was fuming. he wanted nothing more than to just swing his blades at the bastards in front of him and walk away. he wanted to torture them, too, and lecture them the painful way. he wanted to check on eren, and if commander hanji hadn’t pleaded with him to stay, he would have already been by eren’s side thirty minutes ago. instead, he was sitting in front of “the council” and having a discussion about what to do with eren, now that the marley nation and the eldian people had finally agreed to stop the war and form an alliance instead.

  they wanted eren dead.

  they wanted _levi_ to kill eren.

  “i just cannot see the point,” levi said, trying really hard to keep his voice steady. “eren has been nothing but helpful to the people in our nation. he’s never done anything to show that he’s a threat to anyone.”

  “we know that, captain,” the head of the council replied. his eyeglasses shimmered as he stroked his beard with his right hand, and there was an aura of authority around him that made everyone in the room turn to him and listen. levi was too pissed off to care. “but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s still a threat, and if we’re going to make this alliance work, we need to eliminate anything that would cause damage to our people in the future.”

  levi hissed. he knew that he was already fighting a losing battle. “i know more than anyone else that eren will _never_ be a threat to the alliance or the nations’ people. he’s been my subordinate long enough to guarantee all of you that he’s not going to hurt anyone.”

  the old man next to the head of the council spoke. “captain, we know that you’ve already grown attached to the titan boy, but this really isn’t a matter of whether or not you can guarantee eren’s good behavior or not. it’s about removing the roots of potential conflict in the future. it happened to the rest of the titan shifters, and eren jaeger is not an exception.”

  “that’s not how the titan powers work, and you all fucking _know_ that,” levi argued through gritted teeth.

  “be that as it may, but at least the threat is eliminated, and if we have to do it again when the next generation of titan shifters show up, then we will.”

  levi let out a bitter laugh, and the sound echoed across the room, making everyone look at him fearfully. he didn’t care, because just when he thought that he was finally going to live a peaceful life with his boy, this just had to happen. “this is hardly an alliance at all, don’t you think so, you stupid piece of s--”

  “ _levi._ ”

  levi snapped his mouth shut and looked at commander hanji who had been quiet all throughout the conversation until a few seconds ago. they looked pained yet resolved at the same time, and levi’s heart sank. they had finally decided. they gave a pleading look through their glasses, and levi wanted to understand, really; he wanted to believe that this was the only way they could stop people from getting killed. but he was going to lose eren in the process, and he didn’t think he could survive that. he didn’t think he’d be able to make it if he lost the one last thing he was living for.

  he couldn’t.

  “please,” levi asked pathetically. hanji was his friend. they’d been given a front row seat to the sight of eren and levi falling in love with each other. they’d listened to levi’s insecure rants regarding his relationship with eren, and they’d supported him and encouraged him to go for what made him happy. they knew how much levi needed eren, and levi knew what hanji would do for levi to finally be able to find his own happiness.

  but hanji was also the commander of the survey corps. they were a leader. they had a responsibility to humanity, and they would do what was necessary in order to save the people from further destruction - even if it meant sacrificing eren, who had already become their close friend as well. and levi understood that, really, but that didn’t mean that he was okay with it. eren had already become his life, his reason for living, and levi depended on him, clung to him as if he was the lone bright light in this shitty and godforsaken world.

  but levi was a captain of the survey corps, too. and he knew more than anyone what the right thing to do was.

  he swallowed down a string of profanities that were about to come out of his throat and looked away, feeling his chest constrict at the thought of killing the love of his life. he could already feel the tears that were gathering at the corners of his eyes, but he fought them and glared instead at the wall behind the council. he was not going to cry in front of these pigs. he refused to look weak. he was going to make it out of this stupid council meeting without breaking down.

  “i’m sorry, levi,” hanji whispered.

  “i understand, commander.”

  “i wish things didn’t have to end this way,” hanji mumbled, and levi could see the pain in their eyes. he didn’t know what to feel. at this point, he was no longer anything but numb, so he stayed quiet.

  “very well,” the old man in front of them announced. “captain levi, as we have seen fit, we will give you time to say your farewell to your...subordinate.” he then yelled his next words louder, clear enough to be heard across the room.

  “by order of the council of the new nation, eren jaeger, a brave soldier, a hero, and the vessel of the attacking titan and founding titan, shall be executed exactly five hours from now, here in this room, by captain levi ackerman.”

 

***

 

  Loud. The gymnasium is loud as fuck, with some students shouting their university battle cries and some others calling out the players’ names, and Levi takes a deep, calming breath. He’s not going to turn around and head back home. This is Eren’s first game of the season, and he promised the boy that he would watch it. So he’s going to sit in this crowded as fuck gymnasium filled with sweaty students and watch Eren win the game, and then he’s going to take him home and celebrate his win as they watch a stupid movie and eat whatever Levi could whip up from what’s left in his fridge. And then Eren will end up staying over because he’s already too tired to walk back to this apartment, so Levi will have no choice but to share his bed and accidentally cuddle him during the night.

  Yeah. He can do that.

  “Go Eagles! Whoooooo!!!”

  “Eagles fly! Eagles fly! Eagles fly! Eagles fly!”

  “Let’s go Trost U Eagles! Go Jaeger! Go Kirschtein!”

  Well.

  He’s first going to have to endure all of _that_ for the rest of the game, but the reward is surely going to be worth it.

  Eren spots him (again) as the players finally line up, signalling the start of the game, and Levi smiles as the boy beams at him and waves enthusiastically. That earns him a few weird and curious glances from the audience around him, and Levi might have smugly waved back in retaliation. He chooses to ignore the rest of their reactions, though,  because the players are finally being announced and getting ready for the first whistle. Levi didn’t come for their judgmental asses. He came to watch Eren.

  Said boy is standing at the center of the court, shaking his hands and bouncing on his heels, probably to relieve himself of that excess adrenaline. Just like the rest of his teammates on the court, he’s wearing a short-sleeved black jersey with a thin, vertical white stripe lining its sides. The text “TROST” is plastered across the front of the jersey, and a huge number ‘3’ is perched below it. Levi can see Eren’s last name displayed at the back of the boy’s jersey, and he tries to ignore how he feels like it would look better if _Ackerman_ was written there instead.

  Levi’s not that well-versed with volleyball but Eren has talked about it enough to know that he’s an opposite hitter. He mostly hits balls that are set at the right side of the net, but he occasionally does so on the left side, too. He’s pretty much an all-around player with good offensive, defensive and setting skills. At least that’s what’s expected of him. Levi hasn’t exactly seen him play yet, so he can’t really tell for himself. But he’s apparently supposed to be good, since he’s a part of the starting lineup, and Trost University is known for making it to the nationals every season.

  The game finally starts, and Levi watches intently as the Eagles take on their opponent. Maria University is Trost’s volleyball rival in the region, and since they’re playing in a single elimination league, the Eagles need to win this game or they’d already be out of the league right off the bat. They can’t afford that, especially since they’re gunning for the national championship title this season. They definitely need to go all-out in this game.

  The match is a complete riot, with long rallies and endless spiking and digging attempts. Maria University is known for its powerful offense. Offense-wise, it’s ranked second nationwide with an average spiking efficiency of 40 percent. But Trost U is also known for being a well-rounded team. With the players’ iron-like defense and effective blocking skills, they’re able to neutralize the Marian players to an extent. It’s really a matter of who wants it more, and it amazes Levi how much passion the players put into the sport that they all love.

  After two long and gruelling hours of constant whistles, leaps and dives, Trost finally wins the game in five sets. Everyone in the gymnasium is celebrating, of course, but Levi is too busy worrying about the fact that Eren sprained his right ankle during the fifth set and the stupid little shit is acting like his left ankle isn’t at risk of getting aggravated at all. He did a good job, though. His floor defense helped the team a lot, and of course he’s never going to admit it to him. He’d never live it down if he did.

  Levi takes him home right after the game. He apparently needs to rest his ankle; therefore he’s excused from training until further notice. Eren protested, as expected, but he couldn’t do much when their coach told him that he needs him healthy in the post-elimination games.

  “The sprain isn't that bad, though. He didn’t have to ban me from training,” Eren ranted anyway. He’s lying on the couch in his apartment, fresh from the shower and checking through his Twitter account. Levi volunteered to stay over, just to make sure that his sprained ankle is properly taken care of, so he’s busy walking around the kitchen and tidying up a little.

  “Of course it isn’t,” Levi mutters as he finishes drying the dishes. “That’s why you could barely walk out of the gymnasium a while ago.”

  “I was able to walk just fine, thank you,” Eren mutters indignantly. He scrunches his nose in an attempt to look offended, pushing his hair out of of his face, and Levi can’t help but notice how it’s still damp.

  He clicks his tongue and proceeds to sit next to him. “You’re a brat, you know that?” he mutters as he takes the towel draped across Eren’s shoulders and finishes drying Eren’s hair. He doesn’t miss the blush that has crept through the boy’s cheeks, and it is only then that Levi realizes that they’re in a kind of intimate position at the moment.

  Not that it’s surprising, of course. Over the past few months, Eren and Levi have only grown even closer to each other, with their frequent flirtings and teasing remarks filling their days. Levi has come to learn more about Eren, and so has the latter, and it already feels like they’re best friends, so this shouldn’t really be a surprise for the both of them.

  What’s surprising, though, is the fact that Levi surged forward to capture Eren’s lips in a kiss. It’s not gentle and careful, but needy and demanding, as if they were lovers who hadn’t seen each or touched each other for so long. It’s all tongue and teeth and wandering hands, and Eren whimpers as he accidentally bumps his sprained ankle. Levi notices it, of course, and Levi is about to pull away when all of a sudden images start flashing through his mind again. It’s not a mix of images like the first time Levi saw Eren, though. This time, they come in succession, as if a story is being unfolded in his mind and a sharp pain hits his head and chest and Levi suddenly can’t breathe---

  Levi blacks out.

 

***

 

  “i wouldn’t have it any other way, you know,” eren mumbled in front of levi. he was on his knees with his hands tied to a pole behind him, much like the time levi had kicked eren in front of a lot of people a few years ago. he had a smile on his face, and levi wanted to punch it off of him. he wasn’t supposed to be smiling like that. he was supposed to be angry because levi had betrayed him and was now about to put a bullet through his head. “i wouldn’t have wanted anyone else doing it. i’m glad it’s you.”

  levi grit his teeth and forced his tears down. he was not going to cry. he already had his gun raised and pointed at eren’s forehead, waiting for the signal to pull the trigger. he didn’t fucking want this, but he _needed_ to. in fact, he had waited for eren to plead with him and ask him not to do it. he would have changed his mind an instant. he would have crumbled and whisked eren away, and he would have hid them both, war be damned, as long as he was with the love of his life.

  eren didn’t, though. he had just accepted his fate with a resigned sigh, because he knew that it was going to happen anyway. and it made levi furious because he wanted eren to fucking fight for his life; he was supposed to be a stubborn brat, for fuck’s sake. he wasn’t supposed to accept it just like that. he wasn’t supposed to give up.

  “eren jaeger,” the head of the council said, “brave soldier of the eldian nation…..”

  “i hope,” eren whispered, “to see you again someday, levi.”

  “...shall be executed for the sake of humanity’s safety…”

  “i hope,” eren continued, “that i made you proud for saving humanity.”

  “...shall be remembered for all his valiant efforts to…”

  “please don’t forget me.”

  “...by captain levi ackerman of the eldian nation…”

  “i love you.”

  “any time you’re ready now, captain,” the head of the council said.

  levi couldn’t do this.

  he sent a pleading look at eren, silently asking him to beg for his life. his hands were already shaking, his forehead was dripping with sweat, and he felt like he was going to have a heart attack any minute now. but eren just nodded and sent him an encouraging smile, reassuring him that he wasn’t mad at levi for doing it. it was necessary, and levi was supposed to know that more than anyone else.

  “captain levi,” a voice from behind him warned.

  eren jaeger was cruel. so, _so_ fucking cruel.

  levi tried to memorize the face of his lover one last time. his face was serene, as if he was finally at peace and nothing haunted him anymore. he was smiling a little and looking at levi with blatant love and adoration. he closed them a few seconds later, though, probably trying to listen to the sound of the rain falling outside, and levi swallowed down another urge to cry because eren loved the rain and for him to die while it was pouring outside was already too brutal.

  so much for a wanting a happy life after the war.

  at least eren’s last memory would be the sound of the rain hitting the roof of the building they were in.

  levi took a deep breath, mustered what was left of his strength and before he could even back out, he finally, _finally_ pulled the trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late update! I got swamped with work, and I had a terrible, terrible writer's block! :(
> 
> Btw, I should probably still put it here, so that you guys would know. This fic is based on the kdrama Goblin, and if you haven't watched it yet, you guys should give it a try! It's so good it had me crying a hundred times.
> 
> I'm sorry if this chapter feels like it's all over the place, and if it has like a lot of typos or if some paragraphs don't make any sense XD I wrote parts of it during my breaks at work, and some of it after coming home from a four-day seminar. Tired me is a terrible writer I guess. I'll try to write a more put-together chapter 3 since I'm already done with my deadlines! Yay! 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I'd like to thank the lovely, lovely @sanspert for taking the time to read through this chapter and discussing the plot with me. You're the best! *hugs* But you probably already know that, since I've already told you that like a hundred times. <3
> 
> Anyway, I should probably go sleep because it's 4am where I am, but I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!


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